Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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