I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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