Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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