This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
