census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sext me about skeletons
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
