Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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