Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
