i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
