six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
