she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
