if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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