in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm always down for nudity.
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