I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
