Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Drake has all the answers
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
