I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
