so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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