R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
