What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
