I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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