I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
