i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
