Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
