As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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