we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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