trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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