So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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