JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
