Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
