Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
