Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have tasted many bathrooms
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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