grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
