Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
