so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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