i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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