Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
