a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
