he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
