make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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