My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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