My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
