I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
