she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I could make wine with my vomit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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