This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
