Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
