can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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