I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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