i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
