Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
