Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
