Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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