But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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