I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
